Annette's Revision Letter

Annette Bielen

ENGW 1101

Professor Young

April 30, 2015

Revision Letter

Many things contribute to my process of revising. To begin, when I get my comments back from my professor, I do not begin to make changes right away. I chose to wait a little bit, usually a day or two, so I can start to revise it with a clear mind after I had some time to think about how to make my essay even better. The last essay we had to write definitely represents my most significantly revised essay. This is because I changed the whole essay question when I rewrote the second draft. Instead of having a essay about how the ban of fraternities and sororities will affect incoming students, I changed the topic to why did the ban occurs at Rutgers University and is that the best way to solve the problem?. Next, when I begin to make changes to my essay, I first focus my attention to grammar to get the easier things done and finally finish it up with fixing the content. My understanding of content vs grammar has definitely changed. I now see grammar as a smaller part of the revision process that involves punctuation, run on, and comma splices. I see content as something that has to do with the SEER method, using it to make your point stronger throughout the essay. Honestly, I am not very willing to create an entirely new approach to my writing when I get feedback. However, it will only make my paper stronger in the end so it is best to take the feedback and use it in my revision. When I revise, using a thesaurus makes my writing process a lot easier as well as using other sources to make my essay the best it could be.

The Rutgers Controversy

Annette Bielen

ENGW 1102

Professor Young

April 16, 2015

What the new Rutgers ban really means

Rutgers University is currently home to 86 registered Fraternities and Sororities. Recently, all the mixers, parties, barbeques, and social events that play a big role in Greek life were all brought to a halt. Although this ban was done purely out of caution and concern, other students who participate in Greek life think differently. Students in Greek life see it as a punishment while administrators view it more as a way to improve Rutgers. Rutgers has always been known to be a party school where Greek life is a big part of college life. Why did Rutgers decide to ban all Fraternity and Sorority parties all of the sudden, and why wasn’t it done earlier? Many factors play a role in why Rutgers decided to ban all Fraternity and Sorority parties, but is this the best way to keep alcohol-related incidents from occurring?

 Due to the increase of alcohol related incidents this year, Rutgers decided to ban all fraternity and sorority events. One of the events that first started to grab Rutgers administers’ attention occurred at a Fraternity party. “In September, Rutgers student Caitlyn Kovacs, 19, of Monmouth Junction, died of alcohol poisoning after friends took her to the hospital after seeing her in distress at a party” (Kutner). Although authorities are still unaware if Kovacs participated in drinking at that party, it still caught many people’s attention. A few weeks later, another incident occurred involving yet another Fraternity party. “In a separate incident, a severely intoxicated 20-year old member of Sigma Phi Epsilon was hospitalized” (Kutner). As a consequence, in March, Sigma Phi Epsilon was ‘indefinitely suspended’ due to what had occurred concerning a hospitalized student. These are just the big tragedies that occurred that caused Rutgers to realize that something had to be done in order for the number of alcohol related incidents to stop. As more and more alcohol related incidents occurred, Rutgers started to look worse and worse and that is mainly why the ban as set. “The ban comes at a time when fraternities have had a run of bad publibilty” (Kutner). It took a long time for Rutgers to officially place a ban on Fraternities and Sororities because the incidents didn’t attract as much bad attention until the death of Caitlyn Kovacs. As one can now see, the main purpose of the ban is to prevent alcohol related incidents, which were mentioned above, from occurring twice.

Because of the many alcohol related incidents in the recent past, Rutgers believes that banning Fraternity and Sorority parties is the best way to solve the issue and lower the number of incidents. “The party ban is ‘out of caution and concern’” (Heyboer). This ban is only meant to improve and bring back good publicity to Rutgers. Also, the ban shows that Rutgers recognizes that there are many incidents occurring thereby showing they want to improve those issues and make Rutgers as good as it can be. “Rutgers takes seriously its commitment to maintaining a healthy and safe campus” (Kutner). If Rutgers does not take any action after those incidents that occurred, it would look as if Rutgers did not want anything to do with making their campus better. Is the ban the best way to solve this issue though? Of course not, there are many more efficient ways to solve it such as moving all Fratenties and Sorioties houses off campus that way it is not affiliated with Rutgers. However, any way this situation is approached, it is important to keep in mind that there is no easy way to stop college students from partying. After Kelly Heyboer did a poll, a participant named Vik stated “prohibition has never worked in any form. All this does is encourage students to have more off-campus apartment parties” (Heyboer). If parties are illegal to have on campus, students will move off campus and incidents will still occur. There is no way around it. Peter’s Liquors manager, Bill Kutz, states “Bottom line, the university can do whatever it wants, but these kids are still going to party” (Coleman). This is true. Therefore, banning Fraternity and Sorority parties is the best first step towards solving this issue. Rutgers is not the only school that has been known to have a dramatic increase in the number of alcohol related incidents, but Rutgers is definitely more publicized for it. 

Many incidents occurred recently at Rutgers University, which caused the ban of Fraternity and Sorority parties. This included the death of college student Caitlyn Kovacs and many other college students who were hospitalized due to intoxication at a Fraternity party. However, Rutgers took the right first steps in solving this issue. Though it may not be the best way to approach the number of alcohol related incidents, it will be help improve Rutgers image as well as it’s school overall.

Works Cited

Coleman, Vernal. "Reaction to Rutgers Frat Party Ban Mixed among Neighborhood Residents." Nj.com. NJ Advance Media for NJ.com, 9 Apr. 2015. Web. 20 Apr. 2015.

Heyboer, Kelly. "Poll: Is Rutgers' Ban on Fraternity and Sorority Parties Fair?" NJ.com. N.p., 7 Apr. 2015. Web. 16 Apr. 2015.

Kutner, Jenny. "Rutgers Bans All Frat Parties." Salon.com RSS. Salon, 6 Apr. 2015. Web. 20 Apr. 2015.

Freedom Essay

Annette Bielen

February 11, 2014

Professor Young

Essay 1: Freedom

Freedom: A Privilege

The word freedom can mean different things to different people. It could be the ability to live where one wants and being able to come and go as one pleases. It is the right to be able to express oneself without any consequences, to have full control of one’s life. In the novel, The Good Lord Bird, the author, James McBride, introduces two characters named Pie and Sibonia, who are both slaves during this time period of slavery. Both Pie and Sibonia lack independence and freedom. However, McBride makes it very clear how Pie is treated superior in comparison to Sibonia. Despite this, Sibonia is considered to have much more freedom than Pie.

To begin, Sibonia is also able to speak her mind and say whatever she wants. She makes several mud balls and says whatever she wants. When she gets upset, she usually “spoke with them shotgun eyes staring at the ground, in a voice that was heavy and strong” (McBride 164). This is proof that Sibonia does not mind what others think of her or her actions. This is due to the fact that everyone thinks that she is crazy. As a reader, it is easy to tell that Sibonia is going to use her craziness as a way out and as a way to outsmart the masters. One of the first things that she tells Onion is “don’t stretch your mouth to nobody about this, especially Pie. If you do, I’ll know about it, and you’ll wake up with a heap of knives poking out of that pretty neck of yours” (McBride 166). Sibonia tells Onion that she herself, along with all the other slaves, and Onion, too, will be sold in the end. This shows that Sibonia is able to express herself confidently without the fear of any consequences. In addition, Sibonia is also able to use her personality as a disguise. This is very important because later on in the novel when she is trying to escape, when the masters see that she is missing, they won’t think much of it. The masters will just think that she is even more crazy than she was already thought to be. It also acts as an example of freedom because she is able to get away with basically everything due to her “craziness”. Sibonia also is not hiding who she really is. She is able to be herself and act the way she wants. “Sibonia, standing there holding a dripping mud ball in her hand, then did something strange. She glanced at the hotel door, saw it was still closed, then said to Libby in a plain voice, ‘This child is troubled’” (McBride 162). Sibonia did not care if anyone was to hear what she had said. She believed that it was okay to say whatever she wanted when she pleased. This is an indentification of freedom because especially during this time peoriod of slavery, most slaves were scared to even open their mouths about anything, Sibonia was different and did not mind that at all. Also, Sibonia embraces herself and despite what others think, she acts in whatever way she pleases. She acts very confidently when it comes to just about anything. When it came time to tell the Judge what was going on with the plot that Pie had told him about, Sibonia was very upfront. “Sibonia was calm as a blade of grass. She looked straight at the judge and looked neither sideways nor over his head. ‘I am the woman,’ she said, ‘and I am not ashamed or afraid to confess it’” (McBride 175). She handles it very maturely and admits to her right away which shows how strong and confident she is of herself. All in all, it is clear that Sibonia has a lot of freedom.  

On the other hand, Pie looked physically different than most slaves. “She was a mulatto woman. Skin as brown as a deer’s hide, with high cheekbones and big brown dewy eyes as big as silver dollars...she wore a flowered blue dress of the type whores naturally favored” (McBride 144). Because Pie was “mulatto” she was more favored than the other slaves. She had her own bedroom and her own bedding. Therefore she was not treated as harshly as the other slaves in the slave pins. Even with having her own bed, she is still considered to have less freedom. Pie is not able to speak her mind. When it comes to who she has to sleep with in the house, she has little to no say. This also plays a big role in how she has no freedom. Pie also hides who she really is. She puts the other slaves in danger by revealing Sibonia’s secret rebellion. Pie does this so she is able to keep her title and job right where she is now. After a fight between Bob and Miss Abby, Pie tells Onion: “Ain’t nothing gonna happen to you. I already fixed it with Miss Abby for me and you. Just be quiet and listen to what’s said” (McBride 174).  Pie only cares about herself and that also is another example of how she does not have all the freedom.  All in all, Pie does not have much freedom.

As one can now see, Sibonia is considered to have more freedom than Pie. Even though both women are slaves and Pie lives inside a house and has her own bedroom, Sibonia is able to speak her mind whenever she wants. That is the true meaning of freedom. Freedom is the right to act, talk, and think without any consequences. Freedom is a right every human in this world is entitled to.

Works Cited

McBride, James. The Good Lord Bird. New York: Penguin Group, 2013. Print.